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The inside cover of House of Gods’ cocktail menu declares, “In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice.”
Penned by a French sexual libertine, it’s best read in a husky voice, with tongue firmly in cheek, helping set the tone for the rest of your stay at Edinburgh’s edgiest hotel. Teetering the line masterfully between unabashed gaudiness and intimate fun, House of Gods is a playground for indulgent escapes. Leave the kids at home for this one.
The Clientele
House of Gods is an experience. Almost more than I could call it a hotel. Despite its prime location, give it a wide berth if you’re searching for a base to explore Edinburgh for a few days. If you’re in the city on a longer trip, cut an evening out of your itinerary to indulge in the darker side of hospitality.
A night’s steamy staycation is the goal here. They’ve done what they can to ensure you don’t want to leave your four-poster bed, never mind the hotel.
The Location
Concealed in an unassuming building in Edinburgh’s Cowgate, it’s an excellent spot for a deep dive into Auld Reekie. But frankly, that’s irrelevant. To optimize your stay at House of Gods, the most you’ll want to leave is to grab a quick dinner before heading back for more libations and debauchery.
The Style
Fully leaning into its theme, deep lusty reds, velvet, and fur linings are the pillars of its decor. Self-aware gaudiness announces itself in the form of giant disco balls and cobra-shaped lamps, while its guestrooms are low-lit to seductive perfection. More is more in every situation here.
The Rooms
There are three room types in House of Gods. The smallest is an Orient Express-themed cabin-style room with a generous sleigh bed. I was in The Classic, a slightly larger Versaille Palace-themed room with a four-poster bed, wet bathroom, and crafted cabinets. Opting for The Suites gifts an expanded version of The Classic with a deep Victorian bathtub and cinema projector.
The rooms are compact, dark, and without a view – the main reasons why a longer stay here should be avoided – but they’re functional, thanks to some excellent storage design. TVs are expertly hidden within a full-length mirror at the foot of the bed, and the abundance of plump cushions make a bed-stay a delight.
It’s also worth noting the rooms are incredibly sound-proof – as if you need any explanation why that’s handy in this setting.
Food and Drink
There’s no restaurant on-site, so your only venture from inside your little love den will most likely be for sustenance at one of Edinburgh’s excellent eateries. We walked a little way to El Cartel for dinner before retreating to the intimacy of the hotel’s lobby bar. The bar is small, so book a table if it’s busy. They’ve also opened Lilith’s Lounge and the Casablanca Bar next door, so try those for something different.
Drinks are as playful as the rest of the property. Each house cocktail has a dedicated page in the magazine-styled menu and is inspired by famous faces with a penchant for hotel revelry – think Courtney Love, Kate Moss, and Slash – and delight on all fronts. My partner may or may not have nabbed the Chanel bottle her tipple was served in.
If you opt for the “Treat me like I’m famous” package (and why wouldn’t you?), you’ll enjoy a £50 tab at the bar and breakfast delivered to your room in a hamper, along with a pair of mimosas.
The Experience
As I’ve noted, the hotel sits very much in the experiential staycation category (maybe the only one?). Without the bells and whistles attached to the signature “Treat me like I’m famous” package, it’s possible the stay could run a little flat.
Included in the package is a glass of House of Gods prosecco on arrival, a bottle of said prosecco on ice in the room, rose petals and balloons on the bed, a house cocktail prepared in your room, a £50 bar tab, midnight milk and cookies, an upgraded breakfast hamper, and late check-out.
There’s a lot included, and it’s what sets the stay apart. There are literal buttons in each room to summon your prosecco butler and midnight snack, and the bartenders bring you any of the cocktails to your room with just a quick message on Whatsapp. The milk and cookies were a particular highlight – a giant cookie, M&Ms, and fruit pastels with two bottles of milk were perfect after the number of cocktails we’d had. The only downside? Crumbs in the bed.
Breakfast arrives in a massive hamper and includes flasks of coffee and tea, bagels from a nearby breakfast joint, bottles of orange juice, and our mimosas on the side.
The Service
Everything ran smoothly on our visit. Each staff member we interacted with was a delight and happy to help with any qualms we had (we didn’t have many). Guests use Whatsapp to communicate with the front desk and bar, and there isn’t a whole lot else for them to do besides bring the agreed-upon treats and drinks.
If there is any criticism to be laid on, it may be the young staff was too nice. The decadent vice-fueled vibe is diminished slightly when a peppy uni student bounces into your room to small talk as he mixes a cocktail. I almost craved a theatrically passive butler to keep the illusion alive.
The Value
Rooms start at around $145 a night, with the “Treat me like I’m famous” package tacking on another $119 (£99). I’d strongly recommend upgrading, as you’d miss out on the wonderful details that make the stay so enjoyable. Considering it includes breakfast, a bottle of prosecco, chocolates, and a £50 bar tab, it’s a no-brainer.
by your friends at The Daily Navigator
